Only Mostly Dead: The Zombie Quarterbackalypse of the 2020s

[Ten Minute Ticker]

I have a dire update for you all... your Comeback Player of the Year race is currently between Daniel Jones and Mac Jones. Even Carson Wentz has returned, as written in the prophecy. We are officially in The Last Of Us territory, the infection can no longer be contained. Defenses of the NFL, shelter in place, grab your guns, and whatever you do, don't open the door. I'm jonesing to see what happens from here.

Where does Geno Smith fit into all of this?

[JameisBrownston]

I have a dire update for you all... your Comeback Player of the Year race is currently between Daniel Jones and Mac Jones. Even Carson Wentz has returned, as written in the prophecy. We are officially in The Last Of Us territory, the infection can no longer be contained. Defenses of the NFL, shelter in place, grab your guns, and whatever you do, don't open the door. I'm jonesing to see what happens from here.

Where does Geno Smith fit into all of this?

Ah yes, patient zero. Near complete state of decomposition, bones exposed everywhere, but still barely staying animated by whatever draft-day hype black magic keeps these guys shambling on. His work in fomenting the zombie QBocalypse is finished, and he can finally rest easy soon.

[JameisBrownston]

What's the one thing scarier than a zombie? An Elite Zombie Dragon, of course. Fortunately, its Physical Defense and Magic Defense are both 0. Just keep up the physical DPS from your pass rush and a steady stream of Hail Mary spells from your offense, and you'll kill it before it can kill you. Barely. Its ATK power is almost 40, in a game where the true final boss, Patrick Mahōtsukai, only has about 25 (albeit not accounting for the mind-control magic the latter can cast on the local zebra population). It drops no loot and has no programmed death animation, it simply goes flaccid when its HP is depleted to 0:00, suggesting it was never intended to be beaten. Intrepid teams of raiders (and Jets, and Bears) have decided to kill it anyways, though. The Lord Burrow Postulate is alive and well, it seems: if it has no line, someone, somewhere, will kill it.

[Brian wolf]

If the Commanders want to save their season, Mariota needs to resurrect from the dead himself ... I am pulling for him. He has the weapons but is the defense capable of doing better?

[shig]

BAHAHAHA " pirate cult previously accused of practicing necromancy on a GOAT"!!! This was suych an entertaining read. My mind went way back to Frank Tripucka, who, certainly didn't set teh world on fire in his reanimated form, but was very very very much dead for many many years before coming back to lead a new team for four straight years.